What if I told you that there was a job out there that:
~ despite advanced degrees you will never know enough about
~ you will live in constant fear that you're doing it "wrong"
~ every day would present some type of challenge that you probably feel you can't handle
Yeah, who would want THAT type of job right?
Yet millions of us do it every year.
That job? It's called being a mom.
And without a doubt, it is the hardest job I have ever or will ever have.
We're going through a tough time right now. We recently had to switch daycare providers, and though our current situation is perfect (close to home, affordable, wonderful people), Emerson is having a really hard time with it. She's been with the same sitter her whole life, but she was unable to watch both our girls so we had to find someone else. But Emerson doesn't get that. All she knows is that mommy and daddy leave her with a relative stranger, and every single day for the last 2.5 weeks, she cries big tears when we drop her off. It's HEARTBREAKING. I'm worried she'll have abandonment issues. I'm worried she'll never adjust to this new place. I'm worried she'll start to become withdrawn.
And then Anna got the stomach flu. My tiny baby was vomiting for 24 hours straight, and was just SO SAD. If she was awake, she was crying or whimpering. She doesn't understand why she feels so bad, and I miss seeing her smiling face. I couldn't put her down for almost an entire day, and I knew she just felt so terrible. How frustrating it must be to feel that crappy and not be able to express it.
It's hard just to get through the workday with this much worry weighing so heavily on my heart. I know in the long run, they'll both be fine and probably fine soon too. But that doesn't make it any easier, and makes me realize that it will never get easier. I will always find something to worry about. I have never worried about anything as much as I worry about my girls.
I hate that I can't always take away their fear or their pain. And I hate being away from them. And I hate how hard this "mom" job can be sometimes, because I just want their lives to be perfect and I hate knowing that they're not. I am still shocked I didn't have to fill out an application, or get a background check, or take a stress test.
But, I firmly believe the reason I am a mom 3 times over is because someone knew I could handle it.
Because I also can't imagine loving any job ever in the world more than this one.
Still, any reassuring "Your girls will be fine" comments would be helpful :-)